Toilet paper dispenser companies save all the good rolls for themselves

The average person spends one hour and 42 minutes per week using the bathroom. Not taking a shower or bathing, but using the potty, taking a leak, going to the girls' room, utilizing the latrine-you get my drift. According to an article in Scotlands' The Scotsman, the average person spends 92 days in the bathroom over a lifetime.

So you'd think with all this crappy time on their hands, since we're all human and all use the restroom, those smart people at the toilet paper manufacturing companies would catch on to what the average person needs while doing their business.

Georgia-Pacific, a toilet paper and other sanitation supply manufacturer says on their website that their toilet paper dispensers have "saved time and money by reducing roll changes." And I know exactly why that is.

After so many attempts to get enough toilet paper to clean yourself to no avail, you give up. We average people have lives to lead and can't sit on the potty and fight with GP's latest Roll Master 5,000. I'd prefer a Roll Faster 500, if anyone were taking suggestions.

GP also says that no one "invests more energy in the coreless dispensing platform" than they do. I beg to differ. I'd like to know how much of my life I've personally invested in fighting for a stream of toilet paper that is sufficient enough to leave me feeling clean. How much of my time has been spent waving my hand in front of a motion sensor or one of their paper towel dispensers only to be given a mere inch of rough napkin, leaving my hands to soaking wet with water? And that's a whole other issue.

What I really don't understand is how the people who produce these contraptions with the hamster wheels and do-dads that flip and flop the next roll of sand paper tissue don't stop and think, "Wait, this could be an inconvenience."

Do the bathrooms in the company office have these Roll Masters that dispense thin Brillo pads? Is it dispensed at the speed of snail mail? No, my guess is they have the softest batch of Charmin known to man dispensed on voice command from a functional dispenser-one that never assumes three sheets of one-ply roughness is enough.