Progress columnist signs off, delivers final rant

After three semesters of writing columns for the Progress, I find myself left with a lot to say. Sure, I've ranted and raved about everything under the sun, but it seems there is still much I've yet to address. I can't tell you how many subjects have gnawed at me but didn't exactly get their fifteen minutes of fame.

For my final rant, I'd like to take a shot at something that's had it coming for at least four years: Eastern.

Do you know how many graduates from Eastern seem to barely be able to read, write or even speak? Perhaps instead of making students learn a foreign language, they could learn English.

Here's a quote from Stewie Griffin of Family Guy: "Anyone who uses the terms 'irregardless,' 'a whole nother,' or 'all of the sudden' should be sent to a work camp."

You know who you are, and if you didn't, you do now. Learn how to speak English. I know you grew up watching "like, uh, MTV and stuff," but you can correct this problem. The university isn't bothering to fix you, but I'm telling you to do it anyway.

And here's a gem for you. Kentucky is a Midwestern state. Sure, some parts are more southern than others, but we're not from Georgia, and we're not all hillbillies.

In fact, I would wager that nearly 85 percent of the population either owns or could borrow a decent pair of shoes. I'd bet that all those people could also give an interview with their shirts on and avoid the subject of UFOs.

I suppose that's enough ripping on the people. After all, it's not totally your fault. It's the university. I can't say that I'm completely displeased, but there are a ton of areas where minor adjustments could be made to make the whole Eastern experience better.

Eastern is one of the biggest commuter schools in the state. Many Eastern students across the board do not live on campus. Eastern students have lives, families, jobs. We don't all have time to spend all day every day on campus.

When I make my class schedule it's painful, but I make it work for my work schedule and my life. Then when classes begin I get a list of extra things I have to attend and extra days when I have to come to Richmond.

There were weeks this semester when I drove to Richmond six days out of the week. Eastern is a commuter school, but by no means is it commuter friendly.

Speaking of commuting, I can't forget Eastern parking. Not only are there too few spaces for commuters, but there aren't even enough spots for the students who live on campus. Can someone please tell me why I pay to go to school and I pay to park at school, but there is no parking space for me?

I know everybody that's ever driven through campus has wondered why there's no parking. I also know that I'm not the first person to say it. But come on, would paving some extra spots really be that difficult?

Finally, it's hot. It's been in the seventies and eighties all week, and the heat is on. It's 2009, and I'm sure that there's a thermostat somewhere. Does the university have no one on staff that can work the thermostat? I'll do it, just point me in the right direction.

Sorry to rant so much, but I figure it's my last chance. Have a great summer and never change. Except for all that stuff I mentioned changing. Change that.