My turn: Kentucky offers no slopes for Olympians-in-training

Up until the closing ceremonies earlier this week, most of us had been glued to our TV screens watching every second of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics. We had seen more ridiculous events than there were nations competing, as well as most of the nations taking home at least one gold (perhaps killing what made gold medals "special" to begin with) and more than enough advertising to drive some of us mad, but I suppose I digress. I on the other hand, have been trying my hardest to prepare to represent our beautiful country for the 2014 Winter Olympics scheduled to take place in scenic Sochi, Russia.

This, of course, leads me to my current issue: Where is an aspiring Olympic skier to work on his downhill skiing around here!?

If you know me, you should know that I'm not a person who takes defeat easily. Yes, I know that a rocky, slick or muddy hill does not constitute a proper practice area, but I'm not about to let a few broken bones or a dislocated shoulder keep me from training.

Real Olympians aren't quitters.

Our campus, as well as its surrounding counties, sadly can't seem to offer the countless Winter Olympians in training the proper location to practice our respective crafts. For the many of us who I'm sure are out there and who wish to represent our Nation in one of the biggest sporting competitions in the world, this is most disappointing.

Sure, the University of Vienna over in Austria has skiing as well as snowboarding areas for their students; apparently they care to see their country represented. We, on the other hand, clearly do not.

Our lack of a proper practice area for said Winter Olympic sports is not only an inconvenience for me, but for anybody who wants to try their hand at skiing in the Madison County area.

Yes, there's a climate problem around here: namely that the weather changes every five minutes. But if we as human beings gave up so easily, what does that say about our character?

Edison would have never made it to electricity, that's for sure.

I know Richmond is hot six months out of the year, and that makes for some really crappy skiing, but y'know what else Richmond is six months a year? Cold, that's what.

I argue that if we can justify a water park at Lake Reba that's closed six months a year because it's cold, we can justify a skiing destination that's closed six months a year because it's hot. I don't want to hear about costs - that water park's plenty expensive, and you can't put a price on potential gold medals!

We've had enough snow this winter to blanket my fictitious ideal training ground for much of the last three months, but I know that's not always the case. Luckily for us, we don't need Edison to create artificial snow posthumously.

As near as I can tell, Perfect North Slopes is the closest set of true ski slopes. Unfortunately for us, it's nearly three hours perfectly north of here.

With this in mind, I thought I might try to find some local, less-expensive alternatives.

The closest that I have come to finding an area to "practice" my gift was on the very steep (and incredibly small hill) beside the Combs building.

Needless to say, this was not the most satisfying skiing experience.

After finding a small sign on the ground there, I figured I had found the most perfect test run device. I stood bravely upon the board and atop the small hill that was more or less three or four feet above the ground.

I was focused, took a deep breath and prepared to head down said hill. It sounded like a great and awesome idea at the time.

As the sign and my feet went flying in the air, my feelings immediately changed.

Thankfully there were no major injuries, though I suffered the pain of a very sore ass for the next couple of weeks.

I do not blame that incident for our campus or counties' lack of a hill for me to ski on. I do, however, blame the small voice inside my head that tells me that doing certain things is a good idea.

In the end, it seems that my chances of downhill skiing at the 2014 Winter Olympics in scenic Sochi, Russia are a total fail. If I want to be a world-class competitor, it seems I'll have to start losing weight so I can fit in my tights to practice figure skating at the Lexington Ice Center.