Infamous parking a never-ending woe

I was somewhere near A.C. parking lot Tuesday when it hit me, "My god, Stevie Wonder has a better chance of finding Waldo than I do of finding a parking spot." It took me 45 minutes to find a spot so I could be five minutes late to a 50-minute class.

I thought the parking situation was supposed to get better. It seems to me like it's gotten a little more hectic.

I feel like our parking threat level has gone up from "yellow" to "screw yourself" as the semester has moved forward.

I don't understand why we don't have a parking garage or a new lot yet.

Eastern has raised tuition every year since I've been in school, and where the hell does the money from parking tickets go to?

It blows my mind that in 1969, we as human beings put a man on the moon, yet 40 years later we are absolutely baffled by parking arrangements at a small university.

Here's a brain buster: Just make another big parking lot somewhere. It can't be that complicated.

Every day it's the same routine. I drive to school an hour before class, pull into A.C. lot, join the circular parade of other students trying to find parking spots, get excited when I see someone walking into A.C. lot, stalk them creepily in my car ignoring all social and driving etiquette, follow them to the end of the lot hoping they parked in the next row down, then the next, watch as they leave the lot and walk to Keene, beat my steering wheel without mercy, look at my clock, yell myself hoarse, and repeat.

Sometimes I'll get frustrated and drive to various residential lots hoping to catch a break. This is the double-edged sword of parking.

You may find a spot and be on time for class, but when it's time to leave you may also find a little present under your windshield wiper.

Parking tickets are hemorrhoids on the anus of Eastern. I feel like I've paid enough parking fines to cover everyone's tuition on campus for one year.

When I see a car parked illegally with a ticket on it, I know it's because there was nowhere else to park. This leads me to believe there are more parking permits than parking spots, thus generating a nice income for the university.

This is only a theory. However I have also theorized that I have a better chance of getting pregnant than finding a parking spot in less than 20 minutes, and that if it were raining permits I'd drown in tickets.

They say when you have a near-death experience, your life flashes before your eyes. When my life flashes before my eyes, I'll see students walking through A.C. parking lot, cars stopping and voices calling to them, "Hey, are you leaving?" This is because I have spent most of my adult life with that image ahead of me.

It actually amazes me when I see someone find a parking spot during the busy hours when classes begin. In the next X-Men movie, I think one of the mutant powers should be super-human parking, and throughout the movie they should just show the character driving to Eastern's campus and finding a parking spot at various times.I think that would be more exciting and impressive than any action scene I could imagine.

The parking on campus is out of control. There's no real incentive for the powers-that-be to create more parking spaces, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Someday my kids may go here, and I sure as hell don't want to have to pay a fraction of what my parents did when I racked up all of my tickets.