By Adam Turner
Over winter break, I heard a line from a movie that I thought was pretty perceptive.
“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”
It’s a great quote and absolutely true, but unfortunately for me, I am definitely not one of those people.
In fact, I believe I was born with a hyperactive sense of self. I am cripplingly conscious of everything I say and do, and both are subjected to immediate evaluation from my harshest critic: my mind. I know my strengths and my flaws, but I’m mentally incapable of properly crediting the positives as I harp on negatives.
Simply put, I’m the bully I never had growing up.
So every time Jan. 1 rolls around, while others are deciding on areas in need of improvement and setting a few New Years resolutions, I am subjecting myself to another beat down. For me, it is never just self-assessment; it is self-crucifixion. And the worse the previous year was, the thicker the nails.
And sadly, last year was one of those bottoming-out years for this writer. I saw broken hearts, broken dreams, loss of friends and family and stress like I had never seen before. I ended the year dejected and rejected, feeling as if a giant eraser had been swiped back and forth across any future I had foreseen.
Yeah, yeah, woe is me, right? Don’t worry; I soon felt the same way.
I eventually ended my song on the world’s smallest violin and canceled my pity party by the time
January came around. With a sense of rejuvenation only a new year can provide, I set out to rebound from the depths of the sad-sackery I had fallen with the help of some resolutions.
As usual for me, the list was a mile long, with both changes big and small, meaningful and trite. I think by the time the pen left the paper, I had written down thirty-some resolutions. And yes, friends laugh and mock it, but I honestly believe in my ability to follow through and change. I guess I have to believe it. After all, isn’t hope and faith what each new year is all about?
So, in addition to the typical specific fitness and financial ones, I also decided on a few broader life-philosophy resolutions I plan on fulfilling this year. In an effort to force myself to follow through- print makes it more binding-I’ll list a couple below. And if you notice me breaking any of them around campus, keep me honest and smack me with this newspaper.
This year, I will let go of my need to control things that I can’t.
This year, I will be a “yes man” and embrace new opportunities.
And finally, this year I will go a bit easier on myself and stay positive. Because even though I’m hard on myself, I know I’m not such a bad guy. Maybe I’ll even ease up and grow comfortable in my own skin.
Who knows? It is a new year, after all. Time for a fresh start. Make it a great one, friends.