By Courtney Daniel

So you walk into your first class of the semester (whether 8 a.m. for you morning lovers or 2 p.m. for you beer lovers) and you look into the crowd of faces already sitting down. You look at them, they look at you. you look back at them and you realize you need to find a place to sit down or continue to be looked at. So the time comes to make a decision. Where do you sit? Is it with the over zealous freshman, the still hung-over partiers, the obnoxious sixth-year seniors in the back, or by the lady who you just know is waiting for you to sit by her so she can show you pictures of her six kids.

Let’s explore.

Anyone who isn’t a freshman knows by now that the rows of desks against the walls are reserved for the hung over and the narcoleptic, as far as the teachers know anyway. Sit with these people at your own risk. You never know when their heads will fall forward causing drool to be smeared in your freshly blowdried hair- that is unless you didn’t shower that morning, in which case nobody cares. Actually you should probably just sit with the sleeping people so nobody else has to smell you. So, new rule: Don’t sit against the wall unless you are hung over and smell like beer, unless you want to fabricate and execute a marvelous act of narcolepsy OR you forgot to shower.

OK, so on to the next thing to consider. Never, ever take the last desk by the back door if you are in class before class starts.

If you do this be prepared to suffer through an entire class period of mean looks from the pissed off late person who just got even more pissed off because they had to walk over four back packs six rows up, two rows over and more than likely tripped over someone’s foot while the professors scowled at them the entire time. This would all be your fault because you weren’t thoughtful enough to leave that seat open. You are a mean person.

The front row is saved for the overachieving smarties and the row behind them is reserved for the wannabe overachieving smarties.

You definitely don’t want to get mixed up with that crowd. The professors might think you are one of them and call on you to answer a question and we all know that you didn’t read Hamlet last night, don’t even pretend you did. Plus you have to duck to miss the hands flying into the air every time the professor asks a question. I’ve heard horror stories of broken noses and black eyes all because some poor person thought that sitting on the front row was a ‘good idea.’

The back couple of rows are for the tall people, the people who have on just a little too much eye makeup for before noon, and the people who have been in school too long to care.

The middle of the room is a little sketchy, too. It’s for people who signed up for the class together. Whether it’s a boyfriend and girlfriend, two freshmen who went to high school together or sorority sisters, it’s a bad idea to get in the middle of that unless you want to hear about anything and everything that happened last weekend, last night, or even five minutes ago.

The chitter chatter will be enough to make you forget about the quiz you just failed, because I was right, you really didn’t read Hamlet last night, but it will also be enough to make you want to slam your head on the desk.

So I’ve covered the wall rows, the middle of the room, the front of the room, the back of the room…you know what…just forget it and sit on the floor.

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