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I never felt like Kentucky was holding me back until I decided I wanted to get my ride pimped. I was getting ready to sign up to get Dante Harrison Weitkamp, my ’87 light blue Celica GT, a makeover via MTV’s “Pimp My Ride.” It’s a show where they take old cars and pimp them out with new paint jobs, sound and entertainment systems, special effects and rims.

I don’t want anything too fancy, maybe a nice sparkly paint job, decent tires, a sound system that is more than a tape deck and, if they could get really crazy, a button so that one of my pop-up headlights would go up to wink at people.

But when I went to fill out the application I found out I didn’t qualify because I’m not from Southern California. While I was depressed and complaining to my friends, they told me there are a lot of things Kentuckians can’t do – like be on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” I found out on the show’s official Web site if you don’t live in the New York City you can’t apply.

Think of the difference the Fab Five could make in Kentucky; I mean let’s face it, we have a mullet and facial hair problem. Also, there’s that whole camouflage fad that doesn’t appear to be leaving anytime soon.

I realize these shows have contracts with certain companies and that’s why they stay in certain areas, but it pisses me off that Kentuckians and several others don’t have the opportunity to participate in crappy “reality” television.

So while my dreams of a purple sparkly new-looking Celica are dead, my dream for the future of “Pimp My Ride,” “Queer Eye” and other fad reality shows is expand their horizons and show other parts of the country.